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Thursday, October 14, 2010

Today I Change My Blog

My gracious, merciful, and awesome Father,

It is time.

It is time to let go; it is time to move on. But what do I move on to? Who will take me in? Who will guide me and help me now?

Who will have long talks with me and empathize with my pain, my sorrow, my anguish?

Who will be there for me when life becomes impossible and when the world seems to collapse around me; as I watch death and destruction beat the earth like twin fists intent on my demise? Who will I laugh and cry with when all is said and done?
This is part of a prayer I wrote right before it was time for me to leave school; it was a desperate cry in my hearts condition. Who would fill the void? Throughout the prayer I expressed my doubts, doubts that my life coming over the next bend was going to be anything close to life that I had experienced for four wonderful years. I was clinging to God at this point, trying to go back to my Father whom I seriously neglected for a lot of those years. I was worried because I would need to fall upon the mercy of God to survive.

But I have more than survived.

I don't do this unless the situation is dire and if I think it is beneficial for everyone that it is done; what am I talking about? I am talking about the purging of what I have written.

As a writer, I am loathed to part with my words, even the words that cause me great pain and others as well. They are a part of my soul and they convey so much more of what I was going through than I could express in any other manner. I have always written what I have felt; my pastor acknowledged this a few weeks ago. I have never really considered the cost of that until that same talk a few weeks ago.

I have gone back and forth over the issue and today I decided that nothing would mark a transformation in my heart more than ridding myself of the old, jaded writing. I have once again been called from darkness into light; to embrace the new creation over the pain of the old. I have been called to begin anew and to do that I had symbolically remove the old.

The Facebook notes are all gone (save for the most recent and the fiction writings) and the blogs are new in the trash bin waiting for me to copy them unto a word document for my own private use later; never again to be public record.

I need to write the good; things pertaining to faith, hope, and love. I need to write to build up; to solidify and reinforce. My writing must be constructive and not destructive; so I am asking you the reader to keep me accountable. If my sarcasm gets out of hand, if the blog post seems to be overly negative, if you see it as possible personal the reader have my permission to call me on it. I need you to hold me accountable for not just speaking truth but doing so in love.

Today, my blog changes...I am praying, for the better.

Grace and Peace


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